Family entertainment is hard to come by these days, especially since we got rid of our TV sets (more on that later). So in our never-ending search for good stuff for my kids, I brought my three daughters (ages 5, 9 and 9) to two of central Ohio's major league attractions -- the new soccer team and the New World Symphony. They yielded two smashing successes!!!
We had the good fortune to catch the Crew on the rise, during a late season game on a beautiful late summer evening at the 'Shoe. They beat a good team from Los Angeles by 2-0. Unlike their dad, my kids have played a little soccer. We were joined by two youngsters from Russia, who explained things as the game went along.
It was great. The action is constant. Despite the low scores, the game is fluid and exciting. To say it has "legs" would be a bad pun confirming that soccer could be the game of the future. Baseball is now a snooze, football utterly insane, and basketball is becoming as violent and injury-dominated as football (how many seven-footers can fit on the head of a court without somebody getting killed?). Even men's tennis has degenerated to who will be the first to perfect an unseeable 150 mile-per-hour serve.
So the logical heir for a big-time sports audience (along with women's basketball) is definitely soccer. There were more than 20,000 people there to watch the Crew that night, many of whom knew what was going on.
Along those lines, I'd suggest to Crew management that they use the scoreboard to explain the rules as the game progresses. Many of the offsides and other calls would have been incomprehensible to me without my little Russian translators. An instant electronic guide would help those of us raised on standard midwestern sports.
But I would not advise the city to spend $200 million on a new stadium. One thing killing big-time athletics is the insane escalation of cost. If soccer is to escape that, new venues like Columbus need to maintain some balance.
We don't need to spend $200 million on a ballfield of any kind while people are still hungry and homeless. The measure of our city will not be the season's finish of our sports team, but rather how many central Ohioans lack food and housing on a given night. If the new stadium could double as a shelter and soup kitchen, maybe then it would make some sense.
Meantime, Columbus is lucky not to be saddled with a massive stadium debt (one trash burner is enough!) and not to be prisoner of some obsolete sport.
As long as we avoid turning it into an albatross, the Crew could be a lot of fun. With a whole new generation of school kids and their "soccer moms" tuning in, and with a dose of sanity starting to enter the public dialog about the relationship between communities and their professional teams, we may have jumped into the major leagues at exactly the right moment.
When my twins were little I used to walk them around town in a stroller, playing WOSU radio's classical music. Once, when they were a year old, Beethoven's Seventh finished with a flourish, and they both started applauding!! Later they referred to this music as "sniffonies."
"From The New World" bears a special place in my heart because I played it in Junior High from the first trumpet's chair (until Harriet surpassed me). I later gave up all instruments except the typewriter, soon to become the computer.
But our stereo blares the music ever more often in our newly TV-less home, and the girls love it. So they were very excited when I told them we'd see it live.
First of all, they love the Ohio Theater. It's like a giant fantasy world to them (as well it should be). And since Gershwin was leading the program, I also began playing that for them, heightening the anticipation.
They were not disappointed. The charismatic Terrence O'Reilly's energetic and loving rendition of Concerto in F was fabulous, especially when followed by a raucous encore imitation of Jerry Lee Lewis. Five-year-old Julie was especially enamored by Mr. O'Reilly's pounding the keyboard with his elbows and feet.
Unfortunately, that was about all her attention span could take. After the break she became increasingly restive. Not that she didn't like the music. Quite the opposite. She just couldn't (and who can blame her?) sit still through it.
Which brings me to a timeless question: Why is it, when people come to hear classical music, they are all so SERIOUS?
Whether it's rock or jazz or classical, we all appreciate quiet, attentive neighbors, so we can get the full dose of music. But at classical concerts, everybody's so DRESSED UP. And so SOLEMN. Even for the most ecstatic and uplifting music, like, say, Gershwin and Dvorak. Has everyone been forced to eat a highly constipating meal before coming to the concert hall, compelling them sit perfectly rigid throughout the entire performance?
Especially for the New World, we all just wanted to get up and DANCE. It's probably best we missed Beethoven's Seventh -- we most likely would have been ejected. Instead, Julie was banished, and the twins and I sat holding hands, imitating maestro Siciliani's directions energetically but discreetly below chair level so as not to be detected.
But hey! HE gets to jump around. Why shouldn't we? So the establishment of a dance area is something the Ohio management should seriously consider. Especially for concerts as wonderfully enjoyable and physically energizing as these.
We look forward to more, even if we have to find new ways to dance in our seats.
So if it's there and you don't want it watched, there's no ignoring it. It always confronts you with a decision, both for yourself and your kids.
TV is not "like" a drug, it IS a drug. Except for the blank stares from friends who actually make documentaries, virtually everyone we've told about moving the sets out has responded with a "Gee, I wish I could do that." Kind of like hearing from addicts who wish they could quit, but somehow can't.
We had long ago banished commercial programming, but even the videos became problematic. Is it really educational for a five-year-old to memorize ALADDIN after 48 viewings? Do I really need the ability to recognize the precise plot moment of every Disney film after hearing a mere nano-second of tape?
I do miss the nature shows, some of the historical documentaries, and the weather. I also admit to having mis-timed the banishment. I'd counted on a four-game Bulls sweep of the Sonics in the NBA finals. When the series went to six, I had to sneak off to a friend's house, prompting knowing protests from the twins.
But now that I'm three full decades older than many NBA veterans who've come into the league from high school, I feel capable of skipping next year's playoffs. Baseball is better on radio, football is worthless, and hopefully the Crew will be around live next year.
My final epiphany came during Bob Dole's acceptance speech, when I realized that if we'd had a tube, I'd've been watching him. The debates were perfectly fine on the radio, as will be the World Series. Wars and assassinations we can catch in print, or from the BBC.
Meanwhile, the number of decisions we have to make in the house and the number of times we have to say "No" have both plummeted. It's now actually special when we go to the movies. And the annoying disembodied noise coming from the TV room has been replaced by music and the sight of my children reading.
Life after addiction can be a whole new world.
Back to Front Page