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The ice cream man's Farenheit 9/11
by Harvey Wasserman
July 30, 2004

50 Ways You Can Show George the Door in 2004
By Ben Cohen and Jason Salzman
Pages: 196; Price: $9.95
Publisher: Westview Press (Perseus Books Group)
ISBN: 0-8133-4282-1

Ice Cream man Ben Cohen has his own "Farenheit 9/11." It's a book, not a movie, and has no footage of George W. Bush reading "My Pet Goat" while the World Trace Center burns.

But as it joins the flood of anti-Bush books, it takes a uniquely funny, compelling must-read niche for the hordes of us desperate to see King George of the "Haves and Have mores" exit the presidency, and always looking for new ways to help.

Among the 50 ways the irascible icon of super-premium ice cream recommends are turning your dog into a political organizer. Giving your "pet for regime change" a name like Big Oil allows you to shout the slogan when you're calling for obedience. The animal can also be adorned with "Bite Bush" and other subtle slogans on buttons or bumper stickers.

Cohen and co-author Jason Salzman, a former Greenpeace media mogul, also recommend "guerilla karaoke," infiltrating the local karaoke bar to croon for the demise of the current regime. Sample song lyrics are helpfully provided in the "Songs in the Key of Regime Change" chapter. You can also search the web for Bush parody songs like "Liar," to be sung to the tune of the Doors' "Light My Fire". The lyrics, worthy of Jim Morrison, go:

You know that Bush is so untrue, You know that he is such a liar, Every time he says to you, Iraq is not a big quagmire…. Georgie Bush’s Pants on Fire, Georgie Bush’s Pants on Fire, They might set the world on fire…

Co-author Salzman reports that he and his wife sang "Liar" at a local bar and were told by the DJ in charge that the bar was for "drinking and having fun, not for politics." Salzman is no Linda Ronstadt, and nobody booed or threw drinks. "A few mintues later," says Salzman, "another guy got on stage, thanked us, and sang Cat Stevens' 'Peace Train.' It was a satisfying evening."

There are other items on the "you can dump Bush" menu: tips on how to register to vote (via the Internet and elsewhere), how to vote by mail, how to win over Bush supporters (hint: don't talk about impeachment just yet) and how to affect elections in swing states, even if you don't live in one.

The authors divide anti-Bush activists into three categories: "practical and busy folks," often parents of young children; “anti-Bush Patriots” with time to spare, and “anybody but Bush” guerillas.

The guerilla recommendations off some wild stuff, including a chapter called “Relieve Ourselves of Bush.” This recommends putting "anybody but Bush" toilet paper in public restrooms, and tells us where to buy it. Anti-Bush signs can also make for good target practice in men's urinals.

Then there's the chapter called “Chalking Sidewalks for the Good of the Nation.” While most activists don't need to be told how to use chalk, this section provides detailed information on how to puff down "Vote Bush OUT" messages with a "chalk stamper" that works like an over-sized office stamp pad.

Tamer folk might like the tips on how to help with election-day voter mobilization, how to hook up with local groups, how to fundraise and more. On chapter on how to generate media attention fits will with Salzman's long-standing status as a key movement publicist, first at Greenpeace and now with his Cause Communications, an activist-oriented PR firm based in Denver.

For house parties Cohen and Salzman suggest “Bushoccio,” played like pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey, except you pin the Pinocchio-style nose on an image of Bush as void of a nose of its own as Iraq was of weapons of mass destruction.

Cohen also recommends use of his infamous "Pants of Fire" dolls, which highlight Bush's tendency to say things that just aren't true. Cohen's "Pants of Fire Mobile" is currently touring the US. No doubt the activists helping it along are generating press in part through suggestions helpfully found in this book.

Both former Nader supporters, Cohen and Salzman recommend a voter registration "audit" of local businesses and institutions to see if voter registration materials are in the lobby or by the cash register. They advocate forcing employers to give associates time off on election day, and to set get-out-the-vote banners in lobbies and on web sites.

The authors point out that even among members of activist groups, like the Sierra Club, the voter turnout rate is only 50 percent. They also recommend nose plugs for those who don't love Kerry but recognize the need for regime change.

This book isn't quite Cherry Garcia, but it's very much in keeping with Ice Cream Ben's delightful and effective panache when it comes to things political. This book is worth reading and there's much in here that's worth doing. Get your copy today, then sit down at the ice cream parlor and drip some chocolate on it while you plot your next move to save the world from the Bush juggernaut.

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Harvey Wasserman's HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES is available at _www.harveywasserman.com_ (http://www.harveywasserman.com). He is Senior Editor of _www.freepress.org_ (http://www.freepress.org) .

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